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Holli

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Chapter 3

I want to clear a couple things up before the chapter: this story will be following a non-linear storyline. Meaning each chapter will jump back and forth along the timeline. Chapter 3, this chapter, takes place right after chapter 1, as opposed to chapter 2 which is set more than a year in the past.


For those of you who did not get to read From the Rising, this takes place within the same world. I am currently rewriting ftr (or attempting to), and I hope to get it out to y'all eventually. The events of this story take place near the beginning of my timeline for the universe. It's something that has been in development since I was in middle school. I am currently trying to polish the timeline and get it as specific as possible. It has had many reworks, which means this story may be subject to…


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Great descriptions!

Ancient Egyptian fantasy

Chapter 1-2

with a list of stuff if you want it.




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I can't wait to see what happens. Such great descriptions!

Chapter 5

I feel like there's a lot I need to fix in this chapter, I don't really like it. But, I'm willing to make a fool of myself regardless. Feel free to make fun of me :)



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I'll print this, read it, and respond to its magnificence tonight. :)

Chapter 4

this chapter in two words: shootouts & cliffhangers



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Nate Barker
Nate Barker
Dec 08, 2024

Holli,


Since we are not meeting this month, I'll just leave my comments here.


Our first gun fight! Now we've got ourselves a Western (insert the sound of someone spitting chew and it hitting a metal spittoon here).


The action is quick and decisive in this chapter. Things are happening fast. I like that we get a bit more of LeRoy's backstory as well. I'm wondering if the first part of the chapter could be fleshed out a bit more. It seems that LeRoy is able to jump pretty quickly to some conclusions about the gun sales and the missing townsfolk. Maybe some inner dialogue to help us catch up with his deductions?


Looking forward to see what happens in the next chapter to Thomas.


Nate

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